Let me just restate the case you presented just to make sure that I got it right from you. There was a couple who got married before one of them became a Christian. The couple separated and the man is now living with another woman and they have kids. The man became a Christian. Your question was: Should the man restore his marriage with his wife or should he be allowed to be married with the woman he is living with now? You also mentioned that the man is no longer aware if the woman is still living or her whereabouts.

A. First, let me lay down the Biblical principles of marriage established by the Lord God through the Lord Jesus from the very beginning and which are timeless because heaven and earth shall pass away but the words of Jesus shall not.
1. Matt. 19: 4-9 - And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. (cf. Mk 10:6-12; Matt. 5:32; Lk. 16:1
2. Any deviation from this basic and irrevocable pattern, norm and ordinance of marriage is rejected by the Lord Jesus Christ (Matt.19:3-9), the absolutely just Judge of all who, in terms of His word (Jn.12:4 and in rendering exactly what is due to everyone’s work (Ps.62:12) and/or to whatever is done by everyone to his/her own body (II Cor.5:10; Rev.20:12-13).
3. Lord God of the Bible has permanently and justly ordained that the only right and irrevocable pattern for marriage is one man for one woman and one woman for one man as long as both of the espouses are alive (Gen.2:21-24; Matt.19:1-12; Rom.7:1-3; Deut.23:17-18). Therefore, the Lord Jesus hates (1) fornication and fornicators (1 Cor. 7:2) who live together as husbands and wives but prior to and outside the bonds of marriage; (2) adultery and adulterers and those “religious institutions” which promote or allow or condone the marriage of one male human person with several female human persons (a form of male prostitution) or vice-versa, (3) sexual perversion and sexual perverts.
4. The only occasion when a spouse can remarry is when the other spouse is dead. (Rom.7:1-3) Whosoever divorces his wife and marries again commits adultery and whoever marries her who has been divorced also commits adultery. This rule also applies to the woman if she divorces her husband. (Mk. 10:11-12) The marriage can only be dissolved by death but while the other spouse is living, remarriage by anyone of them would constitute adultery. (cf. Mk. 6:17, 18 – Herod took and lived with Herodias, the wife of Philip, the brother of Herod.)
5. In the proper conduct of the married, believer or unbeliever, the wife should not depart from the marriage. If she departs she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. On the other hand, the husband should not put away his wife because according to Matt. 5:32, “putting away a wife causeth her to commit adultery.” But in the case of a believing wife or believing husband, they should exercise all efforts to have a pleasing and lasting marriage with the intention that by his or her Christian conduct, the unbelieving spouse may be brought to salvation in Jesus Christ. (1 Cor. 7:10-16)
6. Here are where the controversies or misinterpretations come in. They become controversies when people have biases and many cannot accept the words of God when it comes to divorce and remarriage because of the difficulties they would encounter due to the wrong decisions made before they became a Christian or even when they have become one.
a. Controversy raised in Matt. 19:6-9: If the reason for separation is fornication committed by the wife (or other spouse?), does the Bible allow the husband (or the faultless spouse?) to remarry after giving her a certificate of divorcement?
1) From many of the previously mentioned verses, we gather:
a) What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. This is the will of God from the very beginning. Outside of that is not the perfect will of God.
b) The only occasion when a spouse can remarry is when the other is dead. (Rom.7:1-3)
c) All efforts should be exerted to maintain marriage, whether they are non-believers or believers. It is the will of the Lord Jesus that marriage should be preserved. Not even the abandoned spouse is given the authority to remarry. Instead he/she is admonished to stay unmarried.
2) In Matt. 19:9, the man after putting away his wife because she committed fornication, can he now remarry? The verse makes it very clear that the woman cannot remarry because if she does or another man marries her, it would constitute adultery on her part. It would look like the man can get away with it and be remarried but not the woman. There seems to be injustice here if only the man is freed from the marriage bond because when the marriage bond is no longer in effect (if ever it can be nullified), both spouses should be freed. Why cannot the woman be free also just as the man is. They were partakers of the same bond so that if it is nullified, both of them should be freed from it. But according to Jesus, the woman is not freed because Jesus says that whosoever marries her commits adultery. It is clear that the meaning is neither for the man nor for the woman to be freed from the bond of marriage if one or both commits fornication or adultery. However, this could be a ground to issue a letter of divorce but the verse does not mention anything that the aggrieved party can remarry. He can issue a writing of divorce but it does not say he can remarry. Matt. 19:6-9 should be understood together with the parallel verses of Mk. 10:11-12; Lk. 16:18 where there is no mention of fornication but the prohibition of putting away of the wife, and prohibition for the husband to remarry or for the divorced wife to marry. It is consistently the position of the Lord Jesus that putting away the wife and marrying another would constitute adultery even if the wife has committed sexual immorality. The Lord would not appear just if only the wife cannot remarry while the husband can put her away and remarry. Definitely, this is not the meaning of the verse.

This is the meaning of the verse. The only occasion when a man can issue a writing of divorce is when the woman has committed fornication. Outside of this reason, no man can issue a writing of divorce to his wife. However, this case does not give authority to the man or the woman to remarry for either of them would be committing adultery. What is being allowed here is not the remarriage but the issuance of a letter of divorce. (cf. Matt. 5:31-32) Again, many people lose the focus of what the Lord Jesus is saying here that divorce, from the very beginning, has never been a God-ordained moral option that can be resorted to when the marriage covenant between spouses has been defiled. Many people focus more on looking for reasons or excuses in the Bible (if there are) to maintain the adulterous life they presently have because the other spouse has abandoned their relationship or the other spouse is also in the same adulterous relationship.
Deut. 24:1-4 which the Pharisees are referring to in mentioning the “bill of divorce issued to the wife who has not found favor in the eyes of the husband” should be understood not as a command but rather Moses permitted it because of the hardness of the people’s hearts. “Moses did not command divorce but permitted it…Divorce and remarriage are therefore presupposed by Moses: i.e., he “permitted” them.” (Matt. 19: (NIV Bible Commentary, by Kenneth L. Barker and John R. Kohlenberger III) The man may be permitted to put away his wife but it does not mean he can remarry.

As an additional comment, the term “fornication” in the exception clause of Matt. 19:9 is porneia (fornication) in Greek, not moicheia (adultery). The word is very broad and it can include anything under sexual immorality. Biblical students relate it to incest, premarital unchastity or even includes adultery. In this context some have considered it to not include adultery because the wife would have been put to death by stoning. (Jn. 8:1-11)

b. Controversy in 1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. What does the term “a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases”? Does it mean he/she is freed from the marriage bond and, therefore, can remarry?
1) “Under bondage” in 1 Cor. 7:15 does not mean the same as “bound” in marriage as in 7:39,27; Rom. 7:2,3;. The words sound similar but the ideas are different both in English and even more so in Greek. “Under bondage” (douloo, Gr.) refers to being in slavery [note Acts 7:6; 2 Pet. 2:19]. It is never used in any Scripture to refer to marriage. Marriage is not slavery, and being married does not equal being “under bondage” (enslaved). Therefore, “not under bondage” does not mean the believing spouse can remarry when he/she is abandoned by the other unbelieving spouse. Some people will get ideas if Christians can remarry when the other unbelieving spouse departs. Some professing Christians may get the idea to marry unbeliever so that they can remarry when the unbeliever leaves. This they cannot do with believers. But the Bible teaches not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. (2 Cor. 6:14)
2) “Many have supposed that this means that they would be at liberty to marry again when the unbelieving wife or husband had gone away; as Calvin, Grotius, Rosenmuller, etc. But this is contrary to the strain of the argument of the apostle. The sense of the expression “is not bound,” etc. is, that if they forcibly depart, the one that is left is not bound by the marriage tie to make provision for the one that departed; to do acts that might be prejudicial to religion by a violent effort to compel the departing husband or wife to live with the one that is forsaken; but is at liberty to live separate, and should regard it as proper so to do.” (Albert Barnes’ Notes on the Bible)
3) “Whether husband or wife: if such obstinately depart and utterly refuse all cohabitation, a brother or a sister - a Christian man or woman, is not under bondage to any particular laws, so as to be prevented from remarrying. Such, probably, the law stood then; but it is not so now; for the marriage can only be dissolved by death, or by the ecclesiastical court. Even fornication or adultery does not dissolve the marriage contract; nor will the obstinate separation of any of the parties, however long continued, give the party abandoned authority to remarry. If the person have been beyond sea, and not heard of for seven years, it is presumed he may be dead; and marriage has been connived at in such cases. If there be no person to complain, it may be presumed that there is none injured. But I have known instances where even a marriage after seven years’ absence has been very unfortunate; the husband returning at the end of ten or twelve years, and to his utter distress finding his wife married to another man, and with issue of that marriage! There can be no safety in this case, unless there be absolute certainty of the death of the party in question.” (Adam Clarke’s Commentary on the Bible)

B. We can now go back to your question. There was a couple who got married before one of them became a Christian. The couple separated and the man is now living with another woman and they have kids. Now that the man became a Christian, should he restore his marriage with his wife (first woman) or should he be allowed to marry the woman he is living with now? You are right in saying he and the woman he is with now are under the bondage of sin for living as husband and wife outside the bonds of marriage. You also mentioned that the man is no longer aware of his wife’s whereabouts or if she is still living.
1. Some who have had this situation has been counseled to proceed with the marriage with the present wife because the teaching of Jesus on divorce and marriage do not apply to people outside the church or those who have not committed their all to the Lord Jesus Christ. So their previous marriage/s is of no consequence and they can keep the present relationship they have since they became a Christian. This is not true because Jesus is the Lord of all and His authority covers not only all men but also in the heavens as well as on earth. (Matt. 28:1 He will judge everyone for all judgments have been given by the Father to the Son (Jn. 5:22). Therefore, marriage contracted before becoming a Christian is still subject to the word of God. Jesus’ teaching on marriage is to all mankind. If people are not subject to Jesus’ Lordship and authority, then how can they be held accountable for their sins, or refusing to repent and commit themselves in faith, hope and love to the Lord Jesus? Everyone should bow their knees to Jesus (Phil. 2:9-11) for everyone has been placed under the feet and the headship of Jesus (Ephe. 1:19-23).
2. You are right in saying they are now living in sin for living as husband and wife outside the bonds of marriage. Therefore, the man who has now become a Christian should start to obey the Lord’s teaching on marriage. It will never be easy. He will need the strength of the Lord Jesus (Phil. 4:13), the comfort and guidance of the Holy Spirit (Jn. 16:12-13) and the Holy Spirit’s intercession (Rom. 8:14-16, 26-27), lots of prayers and support from his Christian circle (Gal. 6:1-3; 1 Cor. 10:12-13). He should start to leave his adulterous relationship without abandoning his responsibility to look after the Christian upbringing of his children with his present partner. If by God’s providence his wife is found, he should, if it is still possible, restore the lost husband-wife relationship. Otherwise, he will have to remain unmarried. If he comes to know of the death of his wife, he may then marry his present partner but only after a prayerful consideration. He should not proceed with the marriage until the death of the other spouse has been known with certainty.

In Christ,

Bro. Mar

Greetings from our Lord Jesus Christ!

I just want to raise some question about the passage in Matthew 19:6….some church denominations allows members to remarried if they are separated on both sides…This two individuals were married before one of them become a Christian..meaning they were seperated for so long when they were not yet a Christian…Obviously, the man doesn’t know if the woman he marries is still alive or not…what is your ponit of view on this aspect…do he have to investigate/ to know if she is still exist…he is now living with another girl and have kids…are they not allowed to be married to untie the bondage of sin???instead of living together without marriage…what should gonna be? the inspired by God Moses mentioning to the First Created, he used both literal and allegorical language! At chapter 1:27, 28, the literal one says the very simple and self-understood; God created male and female and blessed them! God created literal man and woman at the same time! This is the literal and simple language! The allegorical one says a lot symbolical and indirectly! First, God created the human according to Our image, and according to Our likeneThe verses 18 and 21 of Genesis referring to the woman as partner of man, and inversely, said! God said, it is no good for the man to be alone…It is important to understand this type of separation. We know that Marriage is defined as a union in Christ that involves the absolute giving of self to the other, simultaneously open to the creation of new life. It involves no holding back, no reservations; it is selfless and sacrificial, like Christ’s love for the Church (Eph 5:1-2). The marriage vows are the highest form of human commitment. No two people can give themselves to one another any more than through this spoken exchange of love. Marital sexual intimacy is the highest form of human physical intimacy. Two people can be no closer physically than through this expression of love where the two become as one flesh. Yet the sexual union is more than physical; it also spiritually unites a couple…

Thank you…hopin for your favorable biblical response on this matter.

In Christ

http://www.adriennesarmoire.wordpress.com/

People are coming to the Lord left and right, and people who haven’t been to church in 20 years now attend every Sunday, and mature believers are being fed . .. all at the same time, despite all the other churches around us who criticize all the time.

How many folks are coming to the Lord in these other ‘traditional’ irrelavant churches?

How many other churches are there that have waiting lines to get into the worship service?

Some churches need to put a fence around, charge admission, and say “this is how church was done in the 50’s and 60’s”.

Anyhow….don’t get me started.

Dave

Women, Men, and Brazilian Bikinis (including the comments)